I am not very good at keeping up with blogs and writing my thoughts about things. Having two children and one on the way only exacerbates the situation. I have been feeling the need to write down some thoughts lately because I am so overwhelmed with change, excitement, and fear. There are big changes in store for the Warner household.
The first change I will write about is the fact that Ken and I have what is known as an "Oops pregnancy." I had been feeling foggy for a couple of weeks and rather dizzy at moments. On August 11, 2011 (my father's birthday), I was feeling extremely nauseated and had realized that I was probably 5 or 6 days late. I had one of those pregnancy kits from the dollar tree so I decided to just check out of curiosity. I was assuming, because Orion was only about 4 1/2 months old that I was probably late because I was still breast feeding her. Nope. That was not the case AT ALL. I ran through the house frantically calling out for Ken. He came running down the stairs from the bonus room scared that something was horribly wrong, asking "What? Is everything ok?"
Initially the news of a third child was too overwhelming for me to comprehend and often led me into crying bouts and uncontrollable fretting. After a few days of prayer, seeing the bigger picture and how this pregnancy was the catalyst for amazing change, I can say with a clear conscious and whole heart that this is the best thing for our family now. I can't wait to see this little explosion and let this baby know that he/she instilled in Ken and me a heart of bravery and encouragement for timidity to leave.
We have talked many hours of what we are now going to do to make adjustments in our family; to make room for all the beings that now fill our namesake. Should we buy a bigger car? eep...A VAN???!!! Is a bigger house needed? Should we just get slimmer car seats? What does this mean for the dynamic in our family? Should Ken get a new job? Should I get a job? What does this mean for us serving at church? What about small group? How do I tell my mom? Am I going to be as sick with this child as I was with the other two? We were battling with many other questions of this same nature until Sept 3rd, when Ken started going in a different direction with our conversations.
"Hey Amna, this could be a great time to move." "Whoa, that is somewhat exciting, Ken." "I was thinking, well, what do you think about South Korea?" "What do you mean, what do I think about South Korea?" This segue in talking about South Korea had me floored, confused, scared, and absolutely tantalized! We had always wanted our kids to grow up amongst another culture for a time in their lives. I always thought it would be a great learning tool for them in gratitude and also practical use in life. Ken had talked about South Korea before because he is excited about their proposition to have a robot in every household by 2012. Since he has been thinking in that direction of technology for a while, South Korea would be the perfect direction for our new adventure to begin.
There are many thing that we have talked about since Sept 3rd and I hope to continue to put into words our journey to make it to South Korea by November of 2012. There are so many things we are going to have to accomplish in about year and half that will help us to be set and confident in this move. Something that helps is this past Sunday at church, our lead preacher, Bruce, talked of a scripture in the book of Isaiah* that had me feeling very confident with the realization that no matter what direction our family ventures, as long as we have God guiding us, we will be walking with him. So there is and probably will be the constant fight to guide myself but I now have the understanding of what God wants. This realization happened with the awakening of a courageous spirit through our little catalyst.
*Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”- Isaiah 30:21
